if hope was enough....

i used to think that expectations were dangerous. that it would make us selfish and irrational...always wanting...never giving. so i chose not to expect anything and that way...i won't be disappointed if i don't get anything. simple enough....

hope wasn't so easy to conquer. hoping for world peace doesn't sound as far fetched as expecting the world to live in peace. the latter would be a pie in the sky as some would call it. there are some things that just aren't meant to be. so is it irrational for us to continue hoping? to pray and wish for something that seems....impossible. what about the little things in life? food to eat...a roof over our heads...the clothes on our backs...is hoping enough for those in need? if hope was enough...the world would be so different.

i guess people still need hope. the light at the end of the tunnel that tells them that everything is going to be alright. that somehow...someone will find a way to give them a hand...to save them from whatever it is that is breaking them. and we're all just waiting....waiting....waiting....

random

The curve seriously needs to rethink the layout of their parking lot. i'm curious to know how to park my car in those 2 empty slots. teleport? what a waste of space...

so cute :) there's actually three of them. the third is being blocked. they're such friendly kittens. they accompany me while i smoke.

well...can see the third one's behind in this pic. not too clear though. somewhat incestuous don't you think? i wonder if there's animal incest. inbred litter with autism..down syndrome? or are animals like one 'big happy family'?

the nation today

Is that halal?

RUKUN NEGARA APPRECIATION CAMPAIGN?? couldn't they think of anything better to do? we read the rukun negara every monday during assembly for 11 years. i doubt slapping them on bottles of mineral water and tissue boxes would create any more appreciation than it already has.

first it was the stupid song composition competition...now this. i think the money and effort would be put to better use if it goes to charitable work. all this awareness and appreciation campaigns won't work.

we really have it good in KL and in most parts of malaysia. i can't imagine having to drive 100km to a hospital during an emergency. 100km is freaking far...its like from my house to klia and back. beating someone up for being "over friendly" is just wrong. besides...i thought guys enjoy girl on girl action. or was she literally over friendly....that could potentially be irritating.

email ke hand written letter? i've always wondered whether our world leaders are internet savvy...or do they have someone to do it for them? how about microsoft office?

seems like malaysia and singapore has something in common...somehow or rather...a racial group is "accused" of being marginalized. hm...the leaders should just do a survey. ask the people whether they think they are being marginalized. the government is definitely going to deny it...they enforced the policies and laws that govern us and now that it is being questioned i'm pretty sure they're not going to admit that it is a flawed system. so who best to ask...the people. you want an honest opinion? you want the truth about how we chinese feel about malaysia? ask the people...not the members of parliament...not the high ranking officials...but the average people...the people down here at the poverty level.

suger?

first it was the new straits times. now its the star. is it contagious? i mean common...suger? it's so obvious.

its been 3 years and they're still battling this out? gosh... shouldn't they be concentrating on putting away murderers and rapists rather than prosecuting people in love? it's time to forget about it and move on. either that or arrest us all cause people do it everyday. on the streets...under trees...in their bedrooms...at work. it's so hilarious that BBC even had something to say about it a couple of months back. bbc's take on the whole debacle is actually quite hilarious. http://news.bbc.co.uk/2/hi/asia-pacific/4879248.stm

on another note...remember that guy who made headlines by being the first guy to be sentenced to jail for not attending national service? well...he even has his own entry on wikipedia.org.

http://ms.wikipedia.org/wiki/Ahmad_Hafizal_Ahmad_Fauzi

my thoughts: this guy was just a scapegoat. they needed to prove that they were serious when they said that they would penalize those who refuse to attend national service. instead of choosing the offspring of some rich businessman with lotsa ties to the 'people' in charge...they choose a harmless guy who needed to work in a padi field to support his poor family. what's the real lesson that we're supposed to learn? they want to instil fear in all of us. the poor don't get away with it....how about the rich? sometimes things are just done in such bad taste.

*insert title here*

the jacques loussier trio will be performing in singapore on the 20th of october. classical music with a jazz twist. i'm still contemplating whether to make another trip down to catch them live and in the flesh. i figured this might be my only chance to see them but i'll already heading south for russell peters next weekend. visiting singapore twice in 1 month is not funny...especially when i'm starting to feel tiny holes in my pocket.

its just too bad that malaysia doesn't offer much in terms of the performing arts. once in awhile we get something like 'cats' or 'stomp' but on other occasions there's never anything interesting showing. i still enjoy the occasional visit to actors studio for some comedy but i still need to be spellbinded.

its quiz night tomorrow. ideal outcome...not finishing in first or last place. anywhere in between is fine.

i'm back on hsx.com. haven't touched that thing in awhile. when i last traded i had 3.4 mil...when i returned i had 2.9 mil. decided to reset my account cause everything was haywire after not trading for so long. i've already made 50k in 1 day. not bad for a days work. if only it were real money.

i've bought so many dvds lately but have yet to watch any of it. i think tonight will be dedicated to "10th & wolf" and "the libertine". until next time....

news flash

Changing conservative mindset via songs

KUALA LUMPUR: Music, including rap songs, will be used as part of an awareness campaign to help the Chinese community change their conservative mindset and old habits in this progressive society.

Yesterday, the Federation of Chinese Associations Malaysia (FCAM) youth section launched a song composing competition as part of the campaign.

“Through songs and its lyrics, we hope to create awareness to help the Chinese community change their old fashion way of thinking and habits that had been a way of life,” said Youth and Sports Deputy Minister Datuk Liow Tiong Lai.

Liow, who launched the competition yesterday, said several local artistes would record the winning songs.

The competition, organised by FCAM and sponsored by the ministry, is opened to all Malaysians.

The closing date for the contest is Nov 24.

For details and entry forms, go to www.fecam.org.my.

------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

what? sometimes i really wonder who comes up with these things. beyond stupid. the old fashion way of thinking stems from the old fashioned people...which are probably age 40 and above. if music has not been able to change their mindsets before...i doubt it can now. other than that...i believe the chinese society in malaysia are pretty much forward thinkers...no?

idiots frustrate me.

sleep...here i come

went to rendezvous restaurant along jalan something in k.l today. not sure where it is cause i was kinda falling asleep at the back seat on route to the restaurant. haven't really had much sleep since wednesday so i found myself stealing a couple of winks during the 30 minute journey.

anyway...was there to celebrate a friend's birthday. he was really sweet and bought a whole bunch of us dinner. the food was pretty alright. a mixture of western, italian and local stuff. what amazed me were the prices. i had a chicken lasagne for the same price of a mcdonalds value meal. there was a 'not too impressive' live band which felt more like noise rather than music to me. i'm sure the other patrons appreciated it cause the place was packed.















that's part of the menu..particularly the kids menu. notice the spelling of the restaurant name.

VS.

rendezvuous? what happened to consistency?

(can't really see much from the picture cause it was dark and i had to use my silly camera phone and the flash made a slight glare)

and what the heck is poutry? chickens of the H5N1 variety?

anyway...i'm finally feeling tired so i'm gonna go knock off for a couple of hours. until then....

drama on the ldp

a dead body was found opposite my house 2 days ago. the male victim...believed to be a teenager was suffocated with a plastic bag and packed into a 60cm x 45cm suitcase. wow...that's a really small suitcase. i doubt i can even fit into a 2ft x 1.5 ft suitcase. trying to imagine it is just...not possible. it was pretty exciting to see them cordon off the area with those yellow crime scene tapes. the jam caused wasn't exciting though. anyway...when i was reading the paper...it said "the body, believed to be that of a man". he was found topless...are they telling me they couldn't determine whether it was male or female? i watch enough c.s.i to do it even without the packages.

something interesting in the star. as if malaysia doesn't have enough problems on their own. have to bug other countries now. then again...mahatir said singapore shouldn't point fingers at its neighbours so i'm assuming they started it. round 2...fight!

Dr M: Probe low status of Singapore Malays

KEMAMAN: Tun Dr Mahathir Mohamad has called on Singapore to set up an independent body to look into why the Malay community in the city state has been marginalised.

The former prime minister questioned why Malays in Singapore had not been given opportunities to hold high positions in government bodies like the armed forces.

“Why are Malays in the republic marginalised and why do they have very little status?

“Moreover, the disparity in per capita income between the Chinese and Malays is also wide.

“This should be probed instead of him (former Singapore premier Lee Kuan Yew) pointing fingers at Singapore's neighbours,” he told reporters here yesterday.

train?

What happened to the plane?

anyway...i'll most likely be taking a job here in k.l. i guess i should give home a chance before fleeing to another country. not that i've never worked in k.l before but i should stop comparing it with singapore. k.l doesn't stand a chance next to singapore if you ask me. "the economist" didn't rank singapore as the 11th on the 'worldwide quality of life index 2005' for nothing. but i must admit there are some things that can't be replaced...friends and family...oh and food.

click on the picture for a view of the full listings.

certain parameters are used to determine the rankings and from what i can see they pretty much have everything covered. click on the picture if you're interested in finding out more. malaysia ranks 36th...not bad actually. i'm surprised the britain had such a terrible spot on the chart. i guess assumptions can always go severely wrong.

anyway...the option to go back to singapore will always be there. so what do i have to lose by staying here and trying my hand at something other than teaching? it's a challenge and hopefully an adventure :)

random

dessert in a sand storm? or sand storm for dessert? while on a safari too...golly...

ok...so maybe singapore isn't the only one suffering from bad grammar

<----

sting rays now have a bad reputation. this seems like such a small matter but its one of the main articles in todays new straits times.

----->

people actually see malaysia as a successful model? hm...once they conduct their study they'll realize that we're all repressed. by the way...even though we are a *ahem* peaceful multi-racial country i still don't see malays chinese and indians hanging out together in the same social circle. even if there are its only one or two. maybe foreign countries should teach moral to kids and include ali...raju and ah lim in all the stories to foster peace and harmony between all races. or maybe it could be Bush, Osama and the pope.

pro con list

hi...my name is *insert name here* and i'm lost.

i'm hungry but i don't know what to eat. i'm tired but not sleepy. i feel like going for yoga but i'm lazy. i feel like watching a movie but i can't decide which one. deciding on a movie ain't my biggest problem. i can't decide whether to stay in kl or singapore. yes...the question still stands.

so i decided to make a pro con list. here goes.....

SINGAPORE

PRO

• job satisfaction
• money
• personal space
• theatre
• good public transporation
• shopping

CON

• no friends
• no family
• lousy food
• no smoking in public
• expensive cigarettes
• no chor tai ti and mahjong

ok that's a terrible pro con list. all the con's are lame. nothing that's really significant and nothing that i can't really live without. i suck at pro con lists.

random

wow...ladies in thongs and nothing else?

found these advertisements in a publication for TOURISTS. Oceanic Body Care boasts "THE BEST M2M MASSAGE YOU CAN GET IN CHINATOWN". it's good to know that Singapore is very liberal in that sense. gay people are entitled to pamper themselves...thus the establishments that provide such services should be allowed to advertise freely.

but their grammar still needs help.

exposing?

my trip to singapore was a fruitful one. i decided not to take the offer though. at least not yet. still have a couple of other options that i want to look into. so my move to singapore has been postponed indefinitely.

i finally managed to find the "exposing" community service advertisement that was once pasted all over customs. they replaced it with national day posters last month but i found one remaining poster at a mall in sengkang. this is such a huge grammatical error and the best part was that it was pasted all over customs...a place where foreigners are abundant. then again...most of the foreigners would be *drum roll please* MALAYSIAN so i doubt it would severely cripple Singapore's image. people are telling me that there's nothing wrong with it...could i be wrong?

"exposing your valuables and you may end up losing it!"

there are a few more pictures of stuff i found amusing but for some strange reason blogger doesn't want to upload them. blogger is probably singapore friendly :) i'll try later. till then....

*insert title here*

4 hours to go before i head off to singapore. don't think i'll get any sleep since i haven't packed yet and i have some last minute work to finish up before i leave for the weekend. the whole trip should be an eye opener. i would be put in a position where i really have to decide whether to stay in k.l or go back to singapore. stay...go...stay...go. reminds me of a scene out of 'my stepmother is an alien' where kim basinger couldn't decide whether to stay on earth with dan akroyd (is that how its spelt) and his irritating daughter or to go back the her planet. that eye thing that kept popping out of her purse was...strange.

anyway...i think if i was put in a position where i have to make the choice there and then it would be so much simpler. right now i'm just procrastinating. maybe i'll do a rory gilmore and make a pro and con list.

watched hard candy today. its one of those rather obscure movies that probably won't make it to the malaysian big screen. i have to say...it is one good movie though. pretty unpredictable in a way but i kinda knew what was going to happen cause i read about it on imdb. i highly recommend it if you enjoy watching movies of the non-mainstream variety.

another movie i watched recently is lake house. pretty standard movie...or should i say chick flick. i thought it would be slightly more....enthralling? captivating? well...disappointed but i wouldn't say it was a complete waste of time. actually no movie is a complete waste of time. not even SOUND OF THUNDER.

oh well...off to pack...until next time...

gucki..plada...lw...channel...anyone?

this is a leaflet i found on my car windscreen amongst many leaflets promoting hong kong restaurants and tau foo fa with glutinous rice balls. what stood out with this leaflet is the promise of a "WIDE RANGE OF BRANDED" items. granted...there are many shops such as FOS and FJB that sells branded stuff at a lower price...probably because the items are in some way defected or because its old stocks that cannot be cleared. so upon further investigation of the leaflet...i stumbled upon the address and the name of the shop.

it is so aptly called...THE REPLICA SHOPPE! they might as well plaster a sign across the leaflet saying "all items are fake". the word Shoppe adds a nice touch though. the middle english term for shop that describes a 'quaint little shop'. makes it sound more appealing i suppose.

or maybe they blatantly want to be known as a fake goods store? but even so...what can they possibly gain from being openly straight forward about it? or maybe its just bad publicity...

winner of the 2006 sundance film festival...

i know my picture taking skills are really bad. didn't want to move the dvd so i tried to take it while it was still mounted on the rack...plus i had to make sure the 2 fellas working at the shop didn't notice me. anyway...here's what it says at the back...

"From the award winning director Joone comes the biggest epic in the history of adult films. This electrifying swashbuckling sex adventure takes you on a humorous and mystical journey through haunted seas and deep into the abyss of our most lustful desires."

"Pirates features deadly swordplay against skeleton warriors, Jesse Jane in her first girl/girl scene with Janine & Carmen Luvena, dirty pirate whores (Teagan Presley, Devon, Jenuveve Jolie and many more), awe inspiring Incan magic, grandiose sea battles, loads of special features & hot extras within a 3 disc set, and 10 of the most arousing sex scenes in the history of erotic cinema!"

yes i visit the dvd shop too often. and no i don't flip through porn. this particular dvd was right next to omen and RV...a family orientated movie and a horror movie. parents...don't bring your kids to the dvd shop. they might find "naked ladies in the water" right next to "inside the hedge" and "barnyard sex".

another trip to the dvd shop...

every trip to the dvd shop is interesting. during my last trip i discovered 'the da vinci load'. i went earlier today and this was what caught my eye.



According to the plot outline from imdb.com... the Aristocrats is a "documentary about a joke". i've seen this documentary and nowhere in it do i see those 2 chicks on the cover or even the chick in the background. such misrepresentation.










then comes good night and good luck. a historical drama about set in the 1950's that talks about the threat of communism during the time of senator Joseph McCarthy. once again...i've seen this movie...did i miss something? boobies perhaps....





there are many other dvd covers that are equally absurd but these 2 movies take the cake. but why is it they have to spice up the covers? is it because malaysians are just not interested in such movies? are we the consumers only interested in sex...or the idea of sex? takkan...

bring back proper dvd covers please!!!!

random

was watching larry king last night and this is what i heard....

germain greer has openly accused steve irwin of not respecting animals as well as exploiting them...
she goes on to say that she isn't the only one who felt that way but when asked whether she could name a few people who shared her opinions...she couldn't....
it was hilarious when she was accused of making the whole thing up...
its like seeing a guilty murderer say 'i didn't do it'....
this kind of publicity is done in such bad taste...
there's a video on youtube if you're interested...

next up was ann coulter...
she's accusing a 9/11 widow of actually enjoying her husband's death...
she goes on to say that they shouldn't use their grief to fuel a national debate on the 9/11 commission...
come on...the families of those victims deserves to know what the U.S is doing about it...from investigating the cause all the way down to prevention of future terrorist attacks...
once again....publicity in poor taste....

stop accusing the innocent and the hurt and start doing something useful with your time...

the abuse of friendster

once in awhile i access friendster to read updated blogs and sometimes (if i'm lucky) i'll stumble upon something interesting...an old friend i haven't heard from in ages...a new friend that i recently met somewhere...

anyhow...i might be a bit jakun by saying this but friendster now has a different sort of set up from when i last went in. it's got a section on people where you can view who's "checked you out" as well as the popular people on friendster (probably those that have most profile views). since i have absolutely nothing to do i clicked on popular searches and WooOOoOoWwW.

chicks in bikinis...chicks with cleavages deeper than mariana's trench....half naked guys...

not one...not two...but 199 of them. at least 199 that is viewable (if that even is a word)...there's probably lots more illicit pictures floating around. i obviously didn't have any desire to go through past the 3rd page.

what i'm curious to know is "WHY?". is there a need to affirm hot-ness? is there a need to lay yourself out there...for what? for the world to see i suppose but then i ask again... 'for what?'. do you really need 500 friends? do u need high traffic on your profile page? do you need to be popular? there are so many other ways of going about it without having to exploit yourself.

can someone please tell me what is friendster's purpose?

maybe i'm just being bitchy cause i'm not hot and i have mosquito bites for boobs. can't exactly plaster my starving somalian like body on friendster. one by one people will start deleting me no? or maybe i'd get more hits because of the disgusting nature of my picture....hrm. there's a thought.

VS.

i am consfued :P

it's gonna be an intense week with a lot of thinking...and one final decision. question is...should i return to singapore?? or do i stay and give k.l a chance??

*and no its not a typo*

beyond stupid

http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Manglish

Nouns

- "barsket" - derived from 'bastard', general derogatory term. May also be derived from 'basket case'.

- "bladibarsket" - derived from 'bloody bastard', profane derogatory term.

- "kapster" - a nosy or talkative person; can be also used as an adjective, e.g., "I hate them because they are so kapster." Contraction of the Malay verb "cakap", to speak, plus -ster (probably from analogy with English words such as "trickster").

- "maluation" - embarrassment, from Malay "malu" + English "-ation".

- "outstation" - out of town (e.g., going outstation).

"terrer" - (pronounced as the English "terror") Refers to someone or something being awesomely amazing or good (e.g., "Bloody hell, that guy is terrer!").


Adjectives

- "action/askyen/eksyen" - show-offy.

- "aiksy/lan si" - arrogant, overconfident. 'Aiksy' possibly derived from 'acting up'; 'lan si' is of Cantonese origin.

- "blur" - confused, out-of-it. Roughly equivalent to "spacey" in American Slang.

- "slumber" - relaxed, laid-back; possibly a conflation of the Malay "selamba", meaning nonchalant, and the English "slumber".


Verbs

- "business" - a euphemism for bodily functions conducted in the toilet. One can do big business or small business.

- "cabut/cantas" - to run off, flee or to escape ('Cabut' is a Malay word meaning to pull or pulling out as a transitive verb, or to become detached as an intransitive verb.)

- "gostan" - reverse a vehicle, apparently from the nautical term "go astern" (mostly used in Kelantan, Kedah and Penang). Sometimes also expressed as "gostan balik" (lit., reverse back).

-"jadi" - happened, succeeded (derived from the Malay word 'jadi', and may sometimes mean 'so' as in, "Jadi?" = "So what?")

- "jalan" - to walk (Malay)

- "kantoi" - to get caught ("I kena kantoi..." means, "I got shafted/reprimanded/caught")

- "kena" - to get caught/punished; often used like a noun ("I sure kena if I cheat") or (I need to 'kena' a joint o_0"). From the Malay passive verb "kena".

- "kill" - to punish/scold/cause trouble to someone ("If you're not careful ah, this guy will kill you")

- "makan" - to eat (Malay)

- "minum" - to drink (Malay)

- "on/off" - to turn something on or off, respectively (e.g. "Don't forget to off the fan.")

- "pengsan" - to faint (Malay)

- "pon" - to skip school/play truant (from Malay "ponteng", meaning the same)

- "saman" - to issue a fine, usually in relation to a traffic offence, from "summons".

- "sit" - since this is the word used for riding in a vehicle in Malay and in Chinese dialects, it is used in the same way in English, e.g. "sit bus"

- "tahan" - to stand, to bear ("Cannot tahan her perfume! So strong!"). From Malay "tahan", to endure, to withstand.

- "tumpang-ing" - riding in someone else's vehicle or lodging at someone else's house, from the Malay verb "tumpang" + "-ing"
(any Malay word) + "ing" - doing a certain action ("Tengah makan" or "I'm eating right now" is shortened to "Makan-ing")


Exclamations

- "alamak" - exclamation of surprise or shock.

- "best/syok" - indicates the object as superlatively good. "Syok/shiok" is from the Hokkien word for sexual arousal or pleasure. (Shiok is also a chain of novelty shops, although it could also be possible that the word stems from the English word "shock" in the context of seeing something shocking). *Holy cow!! never knew it was the hokkien term for orgasm*

"die/finish/gone/habis/mampus/mampui/sei/tiu-lor(死)" - generic exclamations to indicate "trouble", used like the English "damn it" or "to face the music" (e.g. Today he die because of that loan shark). "sei" is usually pronounced as its Hokkien equivalent, "see".

budget 2007: response from feefs

i was reading a book earlier and it says that statistically in third world countries...1% of the nations household accounts for 70% to 90% of all private financial wealth and property. being the dumbass i am i had to read the sentence about 3 times before i actually got it. in lay man's terms...basically if i were to apply this to malaysia...people like our prime minister, the berjaya group family, the ytl family, the lion group family, the genting family...and so on and so forth...accounts for 70% to 90% of our country's wealth. the numbers just don't sound right but if you think about it carefully...it is possible. ok so maybe not so in malaysia (i won't dispell that notion too soon though) but i'm pretty sure it is apparent in more poverished countries.

maybe in malaysia we have it good. our government (i will not say it is corrupt *ahem*) isn't at the brink of losing its sanity yet. there's still a semblence of decency somewhere. they 'seem' to be trying...'seem' being the operative word here. we're not fighting anyone else's political and economical battles...we're not getting on anyone's nerves and we're not waging fairy tale wars against anyone. our government sits down and discusses issues like civilized adults...no?

with the new budget released a couple of days ago...i find that i am not in a position to benefit from anything that was presented. i only stand to lose. maybe its my fault for not working for the public sector...my fault for being a smoker...my fault for not having to pay corporate tax...my fault for not being a cop or not being in school anymore.

first of all...4.9 billion ringgit for the crime fighters? *insert censored text here*

10 billion ringgit for public transport? i mean it can't be fixed any more than it already is. the only way to improve our local public transport is to stop selling cars...destroy current infrastructure and start all over again. after spending 10 billion on public transport, people are still going to wait by the side of the road and hail buses as they do cabs. its ridiculous.

"TAX deduction on sale of Islamic products. "?? i guess no tax deductions on sales of any other religious products?

increase of 1 cent per stick for cigarettes? honestly it doesn't really bother me but i'd like to bitch anyway. RM5 per litre increase for alcohol? that's what they call SIN-tax. what about all the other sins? bribery...blackmail...etc....

the one thing that bothers me is...there's inflation. oil prices increase...cigarette and alcohol prices increase...food prices increase...cost of living increases...but one thing stays the same...SALARY!!!!! so the only people that benefit big from this budget is the government and the big corporations who get a tax cut. give the civil servants the bonus..give them their pensions...give them all those benefits...but it won't make much of a difference. cost of living will still increase. and people are still going to earn their measly RM1500 a month. you know how they say that households nowadays need two incomes...husband's and wife's...sooner or later we're gonna need three incomes. so either its a threesome or our kids have to run around half naked in their recycled diapers and breast feed till they're 10. then they can go out and work as child labourers to pay the bills.

back to the roots

23rd december 2006 will be the day that the entire Ling family will get together in one small little kampung called Sitiawan. i haven't been there in almost 15 years so maybe its not a kampung anymore. i've heard that it has grown into quite a modern town now. it might be an educational trip after all.

plus...i've never really gotten to know the Ling's other than my immediate cousins. since i'm such a bitchy and antisocial person by nature...i doubt i'll click with the rest of the relatives. they'll probably think of me as some satanic worshipper with no faith and no dreams. the Ling's are known to be very staunch Christians. not that i have anything against that...its great that they have their own beliefs. i just don't want to be "converted" and i don't want to be blacklisted because of my lack of faith in any religion for that matter. and just my luck...i've been told the whole event will be conducted in a Methodist Church.

the Ling's also have a reputation of being pretty successful and intelligent. wait till they see me. i'll rack up some stares and uncomfortable glances. people will ask "so what do you do?" and i'll reply "nothing...i mean literally nothing". such pity....everyone in sitiawan wanted me to be the next britney spears. such a shame that i decided that bubblegum pop and scandals wasn't something i wanted to delve into. but kudos to the rest of the Ling's who made it. scholarships to harvard and yale...bio-chemists...doctors...lawyers...engineers...good thing you guys made full use of the gene's that were bestowed upon us.

i'm still excited to attend the reunion though. i like putting myself in uncomfortable situations just to see how i wriggle out of it. i'd act all sophisticated...intelligent...interested...and hopefully the night will pass by without any negative feedback to the parents. i always feel as if i'm being summed up...being rated...being compared with everyone else in the fucking family. would december 23rd be any different?

diabetes free

my blood sugar level is at a very healthy 4.5 mmol/l. apparently...the little device i was using was acting strange...something was wrong with the chip card. got that all fixed and now it reads like a pro. so i'm far from being diabetic...time to celebrate with massive amounts of sugar :)

stop bugging me....

ok ok...just to avoid getting into arguments with the ling family...i shall humour them and go for a proper blood test with a proper doctor....

wish me luck....

diabetes mellitus

diabetes mellitus...do i have it?

i tested my blood sugar level last week and it came up to an impressive 6.7. i say impressive because anyone who knows me will know that my sugar intake is way off the charts. so a 6.7 is actually a pretty low reading in my case.

recently...i took the test again and it came up to an absurd figure of 16.4. a 9.7 mmol/l hike is absurd. my sugar intake hasn't been anything far from what it normally is. i should be worried...

but i'm not. truth of the matter is...i knew all along what my unhealthy diet would eventually lead to and if i was at all worried...i would've tried to prevent it. i guess i knew what i was getting myself into and i know that whatever happens along the way is the result of my refusal to change. so i'll deal with it when it comes...in the meantime i just want to live my life the way i want to and not the way anyone else tells me to.

had a conversation about death with my mom today. it wasn't specifically targetted at me but in a way it did bother me. my dad is diabetic and his sugar level is way off the charts. he doesn't take much glucose now but once in awhile he does indulge. my mom wanted me to talk to my dad and tell him to stop being stubborn and take care of his health. she said and i quote "he might not be afraid to die but he's not thinking about others". now that stuck in my mind. my response was "why should he?". if we're always trying to please others by living then why not live forever? people always tell me that people who commit suicide probably didn't think about the ones they left behind. are we supposed to? is it selfish to want to be happy? living longer doesn't necessarily make one happy...it just makes one older.

i totally understand what my dad is doing. he is making the most out of the time he has left. i can honestly say that i'm not afraid to die. shit happens no? i would rather do the things that makes me happy rather than worry all the time about the consequences of my actions. i don't want to fear...i don't want regrets...i just want to laugh and smile as often as i can. yes...death has crossed my mind. such morbid thoughts for a 25 year old.